Measure Fifty, Beat Three
by mortenavida
Summary: 50 stories featuring the RyuichiTatsuhaSuguru pairing. Done for a 50gravi contest and will contain 50 fics. Now up, Stay: Ryuichi makes a decision, but Suguru begs him to change it. Ties in a bit with Please, God.
1. Picnic Memories

Title: Picnic Memories

Author: j-chan

Theme: group picture #24 1/50

Rating: G

Warnings: shounen ai and yaoi themes implied, humor, food lickage, one swear word

Disclaimer: Gravitation and characters mentioned are not property of me, though I wish they were because then Suguru would be in the remixes, damnit!

Summary: Suguru remembers back to a picnic his cousin hosted…

_Picnic Memories_

I can still remember the day that the picture had been taken. It really was not a special day, just a picnic my cousin decided to host in honor of Bad Luck finally hitting higher than Nittle Grasper in the charts. I wasn't sure what he wanted to do with this picnic, but I figured I wouldn't ask. If Seguchi Tohma wanted to spoil the people who worked for him, it was better just to nod your head and go along with it. This day, it seemed like everybody was invited. No matter what relation they had to us, they had come.

"Hey, Suguru! I thought you'd be alone with your keyboard!"

Yes, including the most annoying and obsessed boy that could ever walk this earth. "Tatsuha, you obviously don't know me that well. I do not spend all day locked up with my keyboard." I took a sip of soda that I had been holding for far too long.

"Oh yeah, that's right." Tatsuha grinned, nudging me with his elbow. "I forgot, you gave up that habit when you turned seventeen."

I sighed, putting my cup on the table behind me. "Tatsuha, please shut up before I take authority and shut you up myself."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tatsuha raised an eyebrow and I couldn't help but smirk.

"I'm older Tatsuha, so shut it."

"Suguru-kun! Tatsuha-kun! Come play with me!"

We both turned our heads to the voice, which happened to be Sakuma Ryuichi. Beside me, I felt Tatsuha try to straighten himself as much as he could. I tried not to roll my eyes at him; it was just Ryuichi.

"S-s-sakuma-san," I heard him stumble out beside me. "I would love to play with you!"

I turned, ready to let them go do whatever, and started to walk away. I would have gotten away with it, had Ryuichi not decided to jump on my back. I stumbled, my hands going out to grab onto something. Too late, I realize exactly what table I was about to fall into. Closing my eyes, I put my hands up so I wouldn't hurt myself too badly and just let the crash come.

I felt the table fall under the combined weight of both Ryuichi and myself at the same time. The food that was on the table –pies, cakes, and other desserts people were probably never going to eat in the first place- flew all over the place, most of it landing on Ryuichi, Tatsuha, and my own head. I felt embarrassed, humiliated beyond all reason. I, Fujisaki Suguru, had just ruined my cousin's picnic. I had never done that before.

I stayed where I was and wanting just to become part of the food so that maybe I'd be picked up and thrown out like the rest of it. On top of me, I felt that Ryuichi had not moved as well and that made me worry just a little. Was he thinking the same thing? Did he want to melt into the ground and not be seen for a week? I almost hoped he did so that I wasn't alone.

There was no sound that I could hear. Or maybe that was just because icing had somehow lodged itself into my ear, turning me deaf for the rest of my life. I half wished it did and half wished it didn't. Either way, I'd still get in trouble. Damnit… why me and why now?

Suddenly, I heard laughing behind me. It started off as a slow laugh, as if whoever was laughing could no longer hold it in. Frowning, I lifted myself a little and looked behind me to see Tatsuha leaning against another table, laughing. My eyes narrowed and, for a second, I forgot that Ryuichi was still on top of me. I grabbed the nearest piece of food to me (a glob of chocolate pudding with too much whipped cream on top of it) and threw it at him.

The laughing stopped as soon as the pudding hit him. I glared at him, proud that I could aim while on the ground as I was. "Serves you right," I told him before he could start yelling at me.

"Why you little-"

Laughing started again. Tatsuha and I stared at each other before we both looked down. Ryuichi was now in my lap, his cake covered hand over his mouth. Amusement was in his eyes as he looked between us. "Glaring doesn't work when you're hair is covered in sprinkles, Suguru-kun," he said around his hand.

Shocked, I reached a hand up and ran it over my hair, belatedly realizing that it was the same had that threw the pudding. Great, I just got my hair even messier. Above us, Tatsuha started laughing again, which started in on the group of people now watching us. I scowled at both of them, trying to shake the pudding off my hands. This was not how I wanted to spend my picnic.

"Suguru-kun," Ryuichi said around his laughter, "stop moving so much."

Confused, I turned to him at the same time he came forward and licked a piece of frosting from my face. Before he pulled away, I heard the sound of a camera and a flash. Just great, somebody had to get a picture. A blush started across my face as Ryuichi finally pulled away, licking his lips. I stared at him, entranced in his smile for a long moment.

Shaking his head, Ryuichi lifted up his hand and smeared more icing and other desserts across my face. "Cheer up, Suguru-kun! You have been tasted by the great Ryuichi!"

Now, almost a year after that day, the picture still stands over the mantel. I find myself staring at it almost everyday, remembering back to the times before I found the kind of feelings I needed back then. It was our first picture together, but certainly not our last.

"Suguru! We're going to be late for Tohma's picnic if you don't hurry!"

"I'll be there in a moment!" I took one last glance at the picture before turning and heading toward the car. Maybe, just maybe, we could do a repeat of that picnic. Only, this time, we'd finish cleaning the dessert from each other in a much better manner.

fin


	2. Give In

Title: Give In

Author: j-chan

Theme: sexy hair #31 2/50

Rating: PG-13 (sexual implications)

Warnings: shounen ai and yaoi, implications of what's coming next, humor

Disclaimer: Gravitation and characters mentioned are not property of me, though I wish they were because then Suguru would be in the remixes, damnit!

Summary: Ryuichi begins to appreciate Suguru's 'sexy hair' and Tatsuha decides that he has to join in and appreciate it as well.

_Give In_

It was calm for once in the house. I guess I'm just used to the noise Tatsuha likes to make with his music or the constant chatter Ryuichi has going about some subject or another. Not that I don't like the music or the chatter; it's just nice to have peace every now and then. Peace was a rarity since I decided to share a house with my two lovers, but I never minded. Going to bed with two bodies next to me was always a better choice than going to bed alone.

I was sitting on the couch, my legs stretched out to rest on the table in front of me, with my workbook on my lap. I hummed softly as tunes traveled their way through my head, coming faster than I could really get them down. It didn't matter, though; they always came back. Especially when I had peace and quiet in the house. True, if I didn't know where my lovers were I would panic, but I knew exactly where they were. One was at work and the other was sleeping on the couch in the other room.

My humming stopped as I felt fingers start to go through my hair. I didn't care; my body had long since memorized those fingers. "You're home early," I murmured, tilting my head back.

My lover smiled, leaning over to give me a small kiss. "Your cousin let us go early," he murmured. "He told me, and I quote, 'Ryuichi-san, go home and spoil the kids. I know they miss you.'"

I laughed lightly, tugging him down for another kiss. "So he thinks Tatsuha and I are kids?"

"Apparently. Now go back to what you were doing and let me spoil you first." Ryuichi tilted my head back down to the papers.

I closed my eyes, letting his fingers relax me. Ryuichi knew exactly how to relax me and I loved that about him. "Why do you love my hair so much?" I asked suddenly, curious. After we got together, he wouldn't let me cut it. It was loose at the moment, barely brushing my shoulders.

"I have to have a reason to love your hair?" He sounded amused and I nodded. "Well," Ryuichi continued, "you have very sexy hair. So sexy, that I can't help but want to touch it."

I leaned my head back again, opening my eyes. "Liar … you just know what it does to me."

Ryuichi grinned at me, leaning on the back of the couch to give me another kiss. "I'm serious; you have sexy hair."

"I agree with him." I jerked my head toward the doorway as Tatsuha appeared, a smirk on his face. "Your hair is too sexy to be left alone."

I rolled my eyes at both of them. Sometimes these two… "Haha, very funny both of you."

Tatsuha gave Ryuichi a look before walking over to us. Reaching my legs, he gently moved them off the table before kneeling in front of me. "You don't believe us?"

"I find it hard to believe that you two, the know walking Sex Gods, think I'm worthy enough to add my hair to the Sexy Tradition." As my sentence ended, I felt Ryuichi start to run his fingers through my hair again and I relaxed. In front of me, I felt Tatsuha gently pry the papers away from me before putting them on the table.

I expected some kind of cuddle fest, as that usually happened after Ryuichi played with my hair, but that was far from what I received. It took awhile, but I did eventually feel Tatsuha undo my pants carefully. Frowning, I opened my eyes and stared down at him curiously. He just grinned back up at me before leaving forward.

"Tatsuha, what are you doing?"

"Appreciating all of your sexy hair," he replied easily, causing me to blush.

"Tatsuha!"

Behind my, Ryuichi started to laugh before easing himself over the back of the couch. "Really, Suguru, you do in fact have sexy hair." He cut off my protests with a kiss, keeping me half pinned to the couch. "I guess we'll just have to prove it, right Tatsuha?"

Tatsuha nodded, sliding his hand up my inner thigh. "Of course. If Suguru doesn't believe us, we'll just have to prove to him that his hair is sexy. Sexy enough to want to pet and touch."

'Sometimes,' I thought as Ryuichi came back to kiss me and Tatsuha's lips nipped at my navel, 'it's just easier to give into them.'

**fin**


	3. Our Song

Title: Our Song

Author: j-chan

Theme: chante a moi; sing to me #19 3/50

Rating: G

Warnings: fluff, shounen ai, 'awww' moment

Disclaimer: Gravitation and characters mentioned are not property of me, though I wish they were because then Suguru would be in the remixes, damnit! Also, I don't own the song, December Love Song. Gackt does.

Summary: Suguru is alone in the house near Christmas time after his lovers go out to shop. Sitting down at his piano, he starts playing a song and doesn't notice when his lovers come home.

Note: Italic lyrics is Suguru singing by himself, bold is all three singing together. If you want the song, e-mail me at _the1jchan_**at**_gmail_**dot**_com_ and I'll send a sample.

_Our Song_

The note on the table stared at me, as if mocking the fact that I had to work and my lovers did not. '_Suguru, we went out and will be back later. Love, Tatsuha and Ryuichi._' It was a simple note, but I felt a pang of sadness at it. We had been planning a night out together, the three of us alone, for a long time. Today was going to be that night, but then K kept us longer than anticipated. I guess Ryuichi and Tatsuha figured I wouldn't be home until after dinner again, like yesterday.

Sighing, I moved upstairs to put my things down and get comfortable in the house. It was winter, so I made sure to turn the heat on as I passed (we turn it off if all of us are out). Still, the warmth of the house wouldn't change my mood. My lover's arms were warmer than this. Alone, this house felt too big and too cold for me. I wish they'd come home sooner…

My feet took me to the room Ryuichi decorated just for me. There were posters of famous composers and bands that I liked all over the walls. The actually room was filled with any and all equipment I would need for my part of Bad Luck. An exact copy of my stage synth stood in the middle of the room, surrounded by wires and a computer. I loved this room, but the part I loved most about it was the baby grand piano that Ryuichi bought me for my birthday. That was sitting in the corner the furthest from the door with nothing else surrounding it. It was my sanctuary inside my sanctuary, if that made any sense.

Slowly, I made my way to the piano and ran my fingers around the edge; a small tradition I had with it before I played. This was my pride and joy, something I'd play any day over a synth to be honest. Moving to the front of it, I pulled out the bench carefully and sat down, raising the cover to the keys. The only sound in the room was the soft movements of the piano as I readied it to be played.

White keys stared at me, begging to be stroked. I felt my heart race, as it always did with my piano, and I knew that this would calm me until my lover's returned. I turned through my mind what I should play until my brain stopped on a song that the three of us declared ours. Smiling, I rested my hands on the keys and began to play, joining in with the words when it came time.

"_The evening lights, coloring the nights busy avenues,_

_down the street brings back memories of you._

_Now I am watching, as lovers pass me by,_

_finding your shadows, in the views of my eyes_

_Now I am here, all alone_

_Remembering the time we used to laugh together_

_in the fall of the cold_

_I still think of you,_

_Wondering if you feel the same_."

Without realizing it, a small tear began to move down my face. I closed my eyes, trying to keep it inside; I didn't want the keys to get water spots nor did I want my lovers coming home to me crying like a child. I was too old for tears. Taking a deep breath, I continued with the music…

"_Save, your smile for me,_

_even although you cry for me_

_Remember me and love me always_

_Love, and smile for me,_

_Hold on to all that we had_

_remembering and love me again._"

How many times had Ryuichi said those exact words to Tatsuha and myself? Even before we had heard this song? Too many to count and I will continue to smile for him and remember him always. Tatsuha as well; they were both my world and I would never forget them. It hurt, now, to think of the time before I met them and the time where I was alone.

"_I'm so depressed living , a quiet life now,_

_There is no one here, in which to hold hands,_

**or protect me from the cold**"

My eyes jerked opened as I heard two voices join in on the last line. A smile broke out on my face as I saw Ryuichi and Tatsuha in the doorway, smiling brightly at me. Without missing a beat, I continued, never taking my eyes off them or their smiles.

"_Feeling like this loneliness will tear me apart_

_I am waiting and looking _**for you voice**

_To get me out of the dark_"

_Snowflakes fall like the tears that running down my face_

_I wanna hold you just one more time_

_I think of you night and day_

_Wondering if you feel the same_

**Oh, ooh…**"

"What are you doing home so early?" I asked as the lyrics came to a break. It wasn't the question I wanted to ask, but it was the first one out of my mouth.

Ryuichi shrugged, the smile never leaving his face. "K called us earlier and said that he was keeping you, so we left before lunch."

"I see…" I glanced down at the keys, watching my fingers move over them. Sometimes I wished K would just let me be with my lovers.

I glanced up as I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked into Tatsuha's eyes. "Suguru," he murmured, shifting to place a kiss on my head, "stop being such an idiot. You couldn't come along anyway."

I frowned, slowing the music just a tab since we were coming up to lyrics again. "Why not?"

"Silly, we were shopping for you. It's almost Christmas!"

"_Being in the silence of the night_

_Fall into my arms and I'll hold you so tight_

_My kiss will_ **guide our missing hearts**

**and tell me you'll love again**"

Shopping for me for Christmas? Last year the three of us just indulged in each other and a nice dinner. Does that mean we're doing something different this year? I figured I might as well ask, but not until the song was over. This was still our song and my questions and insecurity would not ruin it. Especially during a Holiday Ryuichi enjoyed too much in America and now with us.

"**Save, your smile for me,**

**even although you cry for me**

**remember me and love me always**

**Love, and smile for me,**

**Hold on to all that we had**

**remembering and love me again**."

"I thought we were doing the same as last year," I said as the music began to die out on the piano.

Ryuichi shrugged and took a seat next to me. "We were going to surprise you, but I guess the surprise is ruined."

I frowned again, shifting over so Tatsuha could sit on the other side of me. "I don't understand."

"We expected to be home before you got home," Tatsuha explained. "We left the note as a 'just in case' because we know how you panic."

"I do not panic…"

"Yes you do."

I hated Tatsuha sometimes … but he was right. "So what's the surprise?"

Ryuichi grinned, turning my head and giving me a kiss. "You'll find out on Christmas, Suguru."

fin

Gackt – December Love Song


	4. Red

Title: Red

Author: j-chan

Theme: knife (suicide) #47 4/50

Rating: PG

Warnings: implied suicide, angst, shounen ai

Disclaimer: Gravitation and characters mentioned are not property of me, though I wish they were because then Suguru would be in the remixes, damnit!

Summary: Ryuichi contemplates his old age compared to the younger ages of his two lovers.

_Red_

Yesterday was the third anniversary of the day I asked my two younger lovers to warm my bed with me. The three of us had come a long way since then; fights, break-ups, make-ups, taking our middle lover's virginity, kisses and hugs, tears and smiles, the spoiling of our youngest lover… we were each other's everything. Things had tried to tear us apart, but we clung together as if we were going to die without all three of us in each other's arms.

Now, though, I was coming up to my thirty-seventh birthday while my lovers were barely legal drinking age in America. I realized that I was getting older while they stayed in their youth. It isn't fair to them that things have to slow down because I'm getting older. I know they still love me, but they should have fun in their youth instead of slowly watching me get older and slower as the days pass. Sure, I can still keep up on stage, but I'm lacking in my personal life.

Sighing, I move around the kitchen and try to find what I had been searching for nearly fifteen minutes ago (before I got distracted from my internal ramblings). It should have been in the top drawer, but I'm sure one of my lovers moved it accidentally. Probably the youngest, since he has a tendency of doing just that. I'm about to give up when I glance in the sink, spotting it. I should probably wash it before I use it.

The water streamed down the silver blade as I turned the faucet on. I had always appreciated the look of a clean knife, yet I never knew why. Maybe it was the way the sun liked to sparkle within it? Or maybe the way that every knife was different, no matter what? I think it just reminded me of the way the lights liked to bounce off the small beads of sweat I would produce while on stage.

Shaking the images off my mind, I turned back and stared out of the kitchen window. The yard was so beautiful, done surprisingly by our youngest lover. When not in school or at his father's temple, he liked to plant flowers and nourish the already planted ones to life. He told me one morning that it was his passion, to find beauty and help it grow to the fullest it could be. He would have made a great father if he had settled with a nice woman.

My hands moved without me realizing it. They were used to this pattern anyway; they did it at least three times a week now. Before, it was only once or twice every two weeks, but things change. Everything changes. When I first started, everything made me squeamish, but now I barely bat an eye as the red juice flows down my hands and wrists. It didn't bother me anymore.

I found myself thinking back on the ages of my lovers compared to mine. They were almost the same age, not even half a year apart from another. They could have had a great life together without me in the picture, but they insisted. They insisted I be there, no matter what and I was finding it hard to both deny then and grant their wish.

No matter what any of us wanted, I was getting older. Soon enough I would feel arthritis in my bones and then what would I do? I would no longer be able to touch my lovers without feeling pain. My pain would cause them pain and where would the love be that kept us together? In my mind, I could see everything break. I could see the fights my lovers would have over whose responsibility it would be to look over me next. I could see it and I didn't want it to happen.

I glanced down at the knife again, seeing it almost covered in the slippery substance. My wrists were sticky as well as my fingers, every now and then a bit of red dripping off them. I glanced at the knife and then back down again. Too much… I had cut too much this time. My mind told me that I probably wouldn't have to do this again for a while, but there was another part of me that was upset. I wanted to do this, so why did I cut too much now?

"Ryuichi?"

I didn't turn, even though the voice was shaky and a little worried. "I cut too much," I heard myself murmur. "I didn't mean to, but I did."

My lover called out to our third before walking toward me, a frown on his face. "Ryuichi? It's okay."

I shook his head, turning to show him what I meant. "No, Suguru! I cut too much!"

"Ryuichi, it's-"

"No!"

I saw Tatsuha approach, standing just barely a foot inside the doorway. Jesus, Ryu, put the knife down before you do something stupid."

"I already did! I cut too much!"

I closed my eyes, a little ashamed at my outburst. This would definitely have to be discussed, but I didn't want to right now. I felt one of my lovers –Suguru most likely– take the knife from my hands and put it into the sink. Beside me, I felt Tatsuha take one of my arms and begin to clean it. With them next to me, I began to calm.

"Ryuichi," Suguru started again and I swear I heard amusement coming from him, "it's just a tomato. You can cut up as much as you'd like."

"Of course," Tatsuha agreed. "It isn't like we hate tomatoes or anything."

My lovers … my two young lovers, if only they knew how much they could have had without me.


	5. Surprises

Title: Surprises

Author: j-chan

Theme: nineteen #32 5/50

Rating: PG

Warnings: shounen ai, nice mental images

Disclaimer: Gravitation and characters mentioned are not property of me, though I wish they were because then Suguru would be in the remixes, damnit!

Summary: Someone is in for a surprise…

Note: This is a (very) late 'Happy Birthday' to Tatsuha as I was on a cruise during his birthday and couldn't write anything for it. I'll be having a Christmas type gift (sort of a sequel to 'Our Song') later for the boys.

_Surprises_

"Can I open my eyes now?"

"No, you have to keep them closed!"

"It's a surprise!"

"Not to be known until the last moment!"

"Then you can see!"

I sighed heavily as two pairs of hands guided me through the house. Sometimes, my lovers scared me. I mean, what had to be kept so secret that I had to be blindfolded and guided through my own love house? Sure, we had just gotten together earlier this year… okay, so it was more like New Years last year after I finally turned eighteen. It was almost a year now, ten days until a year actually. Everybody had told us that we wouldn't get this far… Then again, they said the same thing for Yuki and Shuichi and they're still strong for almost three years now.

"Where are we going? I want to see again!"

"Nope, can't open those eyes!"

"You'll ruin it."

"And we've been planning a very long time."

"Just for you –and us- to enjoy!"

I sighed again, giving up. Might as well just sit back, relax, and enjoy whatever surprise they're going to give me. What choice did I have anyway? One of them alone I could take, but two? I'd never win. Not that they were stronger (they were, actually), but they knew how to get me to melt with just one touch from both of them. I'm weak like that, I suppose. There was nothing I could deny them and all of us knew that.

"Okay, just a few more steps."

"Then you can open your surprise!"

"But don't peek before then, okay?"

"We'll know if you do!"

"Stand here, love, and wait until we say its okay to open your eyes."

Their hands left my arms and I had to stop myself from reaching out to pull them back in. This was their surprise and I wouldn't ruin it, no matter how much I might hate it in the end. I never did like surprises, to be honest, but these two did keep me on my toes with them. Most of them (fine, all of them) I loved, but that was probably because it usually ended somewhere with food and bed at the same time.

"Okay, on the count of three open your eyes!"

"One…"

"Two…"

"Two and a half…

"Two and-"

"Three!" I said for them, opening my eyes to find out what they decided to surprise me with next.

I can honestly say that I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or to melt into a puddle of goo at the moment. There in front of me, were my two lovers standing naked with boxes in their arms. Around their hair and ahem other body parts streamed red ribbon, curling around each other so both of them were attached. How they managed to do this quietly, I'll never know.

"Happy birthday," they both said at once, causing the grin on my face to grow wider. As one, they stepped forward toward me and I couldn't take my eyes off of them. It was like I died and gone to heaven, but heaven was in a very beautiful candle lit bedroom (I didn't even try to figure out how that escaped my mind when I opened my eyes; you would too if you saw what I had seen first).

"Is this for me?" I asked, running my fingers over the boxes and their hands.

"Yes, Tatsuha, this is for you." Suguru, the youngest before me, stepped forward and pulled me into a lingering kiss. "Happy nineteenth birthday, love."

"We thought we'd give you something that you already had … as well as some more presents because birthdays aren't birthdays without presents." Ryuichi, our oldest lover, grinned playfully at me before pulling me into his own kiss. "So, open then, baby."

I grinned, taking the boxes from their arms and putting them off to the side. I moved closer to my lovers and started playfully tugging at the ribbons surrounding their bodies. "I think I'll open the biggest one first."

fin.


	6. Mine, Not Yours

Title: Mine, Not Yours

Author: j-chan

Theme: sex symbol #13 6/50

Rating: PG

Warnings: language, shounen ai

Disclaimer: Gravitation and characters mentioned are not property of me, though I wish they were because then Suguru would be in the remixes, damnit!

Summary: What if your lover had their body posted all over Tokyo as a model for fangirls to see?

_Mine, Not Yours_

When my younger lover told me he wanted to go and have his face plastered on the side of a building, I honestly thought he was joking. He had never mentioned it before and it wasn't until the night of his twenty-second birthday that he sat us down and told his plan. It sounded crazy, not that we didn't think he could do it, but we just didn't see a reason for it. I suppose that he just wanted something other than what he had at the moment.

Now I stand here in the middle of downtown Tokyo staring at the side of a building with his lower body plastered there in a pair of nicely fitted jeans. Don't get me wrong, I loved when he came home in those jeans and gave us a small show. I just felt a surge of jealousy that I didn't realize I had before as I saw a group of girls crowd under the image making those sick love faces at it. Nobody should be able to see my lover's lower back except for Ryuichi and myself.

I should probably remember all the pictures with Ryuichi practically naked that were in magazines at this time, but I don't.

Besides, Ryuichi still looked sexy as hell for his age (thirty-seven now, though it never seemed like it). He was still a walking sex god and the younger –as well as older- females still flocked to him. Me jealous? Never. Why would I be jealous of women who think they would eventually have his babies when I could have had at least seven of them by now.

I shifted the hat on my head down a little as another group of girls passed me to join with the other mob. They started squealing like the fangirls they were, telling each other that they would each get a pair of those jeans for the free poster that came with it. A free poster of _my_ lover.

I am not jealous.

'Besides,' I tell myself as I walk away. 'It isn't like he was ever jealous of you or Ryuichi. Its his turn to shine.' I just hoped that my mind would continue on that path so I wouldn't look too upset when I met my lovers for lunch. Not that it mattered; they could tell something was wrong with me even if I didn't. Four years together did that to people.

"Suguru! Over here!"

I lifted my head, letting the sunglasses that were perched on my face slide down a little. I could recognize that voice anywhere. It was the voice that belonged to the nice ass that was currently hanging above a street. It was the voice of somebody wearing jeans that hugged his hips and made him look less like the monk he used to be and more like the model he is now. My Tatsuha.

"Sorry I'm late, I had to dodge some girls." I slid into the chair next to him in the café outside. "They didn't recognize me, so that's good."

Tatsuha grinned, leaning over to give me a kiss. "Sure you did. I bet you were taking a nice view of my ass. I know you were."

Bastard. "Jerk." I returned the kiss before looking around for our lover. "Where's Ryu?"

"Inside getting us some ice cream. I ordered mint for you." Tatsuha ignored my insult, as usual, and reached his hand forward to lace it with my own. "You aren't still mad that I started modeling, are you?"

I couldn't help it. The hand, the ice cream, his smile.. how the hell could anyone be mad? "No, Tatsu. I'm not mad at you. Just at the girls who think that they ever have a chance of getting in those pants with you."

"Not a chance as long as we're around!" Ryuichi chose that moment to come out, setting a tray of ice cream on the table. "Glad to see you weren't mobbed, Su." He leaned over the back of my chair and gave me a kiss that way.

I laughed, running my hand through his hair once before turning to the ice cream. "I think we should test the durability of those jeans when we get home. Don't you think, Ryu?"

A mischievous grin took over my older lover's face before he turned it to Tatsuha. "Sounds like a plan to me. I don't think he's been out of them since he got them."

"Far too long, then. Measures must be taken to remove them any way possible." I grinned at the horrified expression on Tatsuha's face. "Don't worry, hun, we'll be gentle."

Model or not, the ass inside the jeans belonged to Ryuichi and myself. No fangirl was going to take that from me.

fin.


	7. Please, God

Title: Please, God

Author: j-chan

Theme: fling #21 7/50

Rating: PG-13 (to be safe)

Warnings: Slight sex scene description, language

Disclaimer: Gravitation and characters mentioned are not property of me, though I wish they were because then Suguru would be in the remixes, damnit!

Author's note: These are 50 separate stories! They don't necessarily all together.

Summary: Tatsuha cheats on Suguru and is with Ryuichi one night. He wonders if he can just take it as a fling or if it can be more.

_Please, God_

By a show of hands, how many out there have someone that they would jump at if given the chance to sleep with them? Come on, don't be shy, I want to know. Only a few of you? I don't believe that. Don't worry, the only people seeing this is you and me, I promise. Now, let me see those hands again. How many of you, if given the opportunity, would let the one person you dream about drag you to a hotel so they could fuck you silly?

There, now that's better. Those who raised their hands will now turn around and see their lover, wife, husband, girlfriend, or boyfriend standing behind them with a furious look on their face. Soon your relationship will have ended and you'll blame me, a soon to be single man with the current residence of Tokyo, Japan. Current, but probably not current for much longer. Just like you, my lover will find out that I have done the worst possible thing to our relationship.

I, Uesugi Tatsuha, have cheated on my lover of two years, Fujisaki Suguru, with my lifetime obsession, Sakuma Ryuichi.

It wasn't like I meant to cheat on him (isn't that what they all say?). I was walking through downtown, trying to find Suguru a birthday present worthy of him when I found the Holy God of Music alone in a music store. Still being quite a fan of his, I decided to simply talk to him.

I found that Ryuichi had a lot in common with both Suguru and myself. He was in love with music, as was Suguru, and he also was in love with the simple things in life, as was I. The more we talked, the more I started to forget that I had promised Suguru –_my lover_– that I would be home for dinner. He was supposed to make my favorite tonight. Dinner, Suguru, and the time were all forgotten with one simple phrase from the Sex God in front of me.

"Tatsuha-kun … would you like to come to my place for a while?"

Poof! Suguru and dinner flew out my head and I found myself eagerly nodding, agreeing that going to Ryuichi Sakuma's house was perfectly fine. It was the sexiest man in Japan! Of course I would not turn down this opportunity (and you can stop calling me an idiot, you wouldn't have turned it down either if it were _your_ obsession asking you that). It was my lifelong dream to get into the House of the God, Ryuichi's house.

Now, so nobody gets confused, I was extremely guilty after everything happened. I was never going to forgive myself, no matter what happened when I got home. I was never going to be able to look at Suguru or Ryuichi the same way again. One I had cheated on and the other I was cheating with. It was the worst mistake of my life and there was no way I could make up for it.

That out of the way, let me tell you that sex with Ryuichi was complete and utter bliss. It was heaven and _damn_ that man was experienced! Not even five minutes and he was already over me while I was nothing but a pile of goo on his bed. Before I knew what was really happening, all of our clothes were off and he was rocking into me.

I was nothing but pudding as his hands danced their rhythm across me. His tongue, on my _god_ don't get me started on his tongue, never stopped its movement across my neck. I was sure there were marks, evidence that I had slept with him. If not on my neck than on the handprints he left on my right hip. It would have been the perfect night, the perfect thing that had every happened in my short span of a lifetime. Really, it would have.

That is, if I had moaned out the right name as I came. Instead of moaning out 'Ryuichi' or 'Sakuma' as I reached my blissful peak, I moaned out (loudly, too) one name I should have thought about before I did this. That's right, I moaned out my lover's name, Suguru, instead of my current bed-partner's name, Ryuichi.

As soon as he heard the name, Ryuichi became horrified and demanded to know what was going on. Blushing like an embarrassed schoolgirl, I told him exactly what was going on. That I was cheating on Suguru with him and that it was totally unintentional. Terrified, Ryuichi told me to go home to Suguru, to explain what had happened and to blame himself. I didn't want to blame Ryuichi, but he insisted.

So now I stand at the front door to what has become my house, dreading going inside. It was close to ten and Suguru was going to be pissed as me when I got inside. That and one look at me would tell my lover what exactly I had been doing. There was nothing I could keep from him anymore and I think that was what terrified me the most.

Part of my mind spoke up then, though. Ryuichi had been scared, yes, but there had been a look in his eyes. A look that plainly said that he was hurt more by something else other than the fact that he was helping me cheat without realizing it. I could tell that he didn't want our little fling to just be one night. Hell, neither did I.

There was a small possibility, though, that it didn't. If Suguru and Ryuichi agreed to it, than we could work something out between us. Tohma was already going to kill me for cheating on his little cousin, so what did I have to loose? Well, other than Suguru and Ryuichi both, what did I have to loose? It was worth a try.

Taking a deep breath, I opened the door to the house and moved in. "Suguru? I'm home." I dropped my keys on the table beside the door before toeing off my shoes. I hear him come in, so I looked up into his worried and slightly accusing eyes. "We have to talk, Su."

Please, whatever god is listening to me, don't make me loose both of them.

fin.


	8. Our Hearts, Our Life, Our Love

Title: Our Hearts, Our Life, Our Love

Author: j-chan

Theme: snow globe #28 8/50

Rating: PG

Warnings: angst. Angstangstangst. Death fic.

Disclaimer: Gravitation and characters mentioned are not property of me, though I wish they were because then Suguru would be in the remixes, damnit!

Summary: On their 25th anniversary, Suguru and Tatsuha receive a gift from their deceased lover.

Note: Again, these are separate stories and they don't follow any order. In this particular one, Suguru and Tatsuha are 43 years old and Ryuichi would have been around 58. It ties just a little into _Mine, Not Yours_, but not that much (it mentions Tatsuha was a model). It is still separate from everything else.

_Our Hearts, Our Life, Our Love_

It was a morning just like any other or, at least, it should have been a morning like any other. This morning was different than the others. This morning should have been special. It should have been surrounded with flowers and chocolates and crazy stories of youth. It should have been filled with laughter and love. It should have been so many things that it was not.

The date was June 2nd, a day that nearly everybody in Japan knew. Many of the new young adults didn't care much for it, but the older adults still smiled when they say the date on the calendar. A date that was the happiest moment for three souls tied together by the power of love. A love so strong that nothing had been able to break it, except the day itself.

June second was also the day that the legend of Japanese rock, Sakuma Ryuichi, finally lost his struggling battle with leukemia nearly a year before. He left behind his legend, but also the other two parts of his soul, to continue on in the world. A world that neither felt was right living in without their beloved.

Sakuma-Fujisaki Suguru and Sakuma-Uesugi Tatsuha stood side by side in the pouring rain, watching their lover's gravesite with heavy eyes. No sound escaped either of them as they tried to focus on what needed to be done. They had made a promise together with their love and they refused to break it, no matter what. Today was supposed to be a happy day, no tears were supposed to fall. It was a dying man's last wish.

Slowly, the elder of the two knelt down by the grave to run his fingers over it. "Good morning, Ryuichi," he said softly. "Happy anniversary, my love. It's been twenty-five good years. Twenty-five years of waking up to your smile, your love."

The younger knelt down as well, biting back tears that threatened to come. "We brought you a gift, just like you wanted. We know you're going to love it, you always did." He lay a bouquet of flowers down on top of the grave. "They're your favorite… one of every flower in the shop. Hakata says hello, too."

"She promised she'd visit later," the elder continued. "Kuma-chan misses you too, Ryuichi. We would have brought him, but he has a cold." He smiled a little, remembering that Ryuichi always claimed Kumagaro had a cold on rainy days. "We'll bring him next time." Leaning forward, the two men gently kissed the gravestone before standing again.

Today was supposed to be a day filled with smiles, with laughter. Instead, it was filled with pain and grief. The day that marked the best-known tri-couple in Japan's anniversary was also the day that marked the death of the eldest in the couple. It was a day that gave both joy and pain, especially to the two he left behind.

Turning, Tatsuha and Suguru moved inside the temple. It was the same temple that Tatsuha's family owned and they had been living there ever since the doctor's first told them the fate of Ryuichi. It gave the singer a peaceful surrounding as well as enough comfort so he could get better. It had been working as well, or so they believed. The disease was too far in and the legendary sing couldn't fight it anymore.

"Come on, Su, let's get out of these clothes." Tatsuha moved up behind his lover, gently taking off the wet jacket. Time had changed the dark haired man. Grey streaked his hair while age lines had already begun to show on his face. His body was no longer perfect as it was when he was a model. His stomach had a slight beer belly, but not so big that it was totally noticeable. He was old and he didn't like it.

After his jacket was off, Suguru turned and helped Tatsuha with his own, with a little more trouble than he wanted to admit. Years of being in Bad Luck had done a number on the prodigy's body. He was still short and skinny, but no muscle lined his once toned stomach. His fingers had arthritis in them and he could no longer play his piano without something aching. His back gave a twinge every now and then due to his synth was always lower than it should have been. Age hadn't been kind to either of them.

"What do you want for breakfast? I'll make it."

Tatsuha shook his head, placing a kiss to Suguru's forehead. "Go take your medicine, you fingers are stiff. I'll do it."

Suguru sighed, but turned to do just that. As he passed by the front door, he saw a man standing there with a package. "Can I help you, sir?"

"Is this the residence of Sakuma?"

"It is, can I help you?" Suguru moved toward the man. On their tenth anniversary, he and Tatsuha had legally taken Ryuichi's name. Suguru had to ignore that memory for the moment, not wanting to break down in front of this man.

"I have a package for Sakuma Tatsuha and Sakuma Suguru."

Suguru frowned, moving to sign the paper. Even though they took his name, they rarely went by it as not to confuse people. "Does it say who it's from?"

The man nodded and handed Suguru a box. "It's from Sakuma Ryuichi, request delivery order for today."

The box in Suguru's hand almost dropped as he heard that. Ryuichi .. had known from the beginning. He had known that he was going to die before this day. Turning the box Suguru glanced at the date it was originally sent and felt tears prick. It was marked three days before his death. The date blurred and before he knew it, Suguru was crying.

"Su? Honey, what's wrong?" Tatsuha came into the room, alarmed at the sound of his lover's sobs. "Honey? What … what's this?"

"It's from Ryuichi," Suguru whispered around his tears. "Tatsu, it's from Ryu."

The two brought the box to the kitchen after Suguru calmed down enough to move. Carefully, Tatsuha took out a knife and cut around the tape on the outside. Once finished, he opened the box and frowned at the styrofoam that met him. Together, they dragged it out of the box before cutting away at it. Inside was another box and a note. Slowly, Suguru picked it up and began to read.

"_My dearest Suguru and Tatsuha._

_I know this will make you upset, since I am not here to share in the joy that is our twenty-fifth anniversary, but I hope that you can still find room to smile. Know that I love you and I will always love you, no matter what part of the earth I am living on. Take care of Kuma-chan and I will meet you both many years from now in Heaven, where we belong together._

_I love you both too much for words. Smile for me and don't cry. Live on for me and promise that you won't die too early just to see me. I'll be watching you, so I'll know._

_I love you._

_Sakuma-Fujisaki-Uesugi Ryuichi_

_p.s. I know in Japan it was never possible, but in my hearts you will be more than just my lovers and my soulmates. You are my life, my world, and my husbands. My last gift to you, cherish it always._"

Suguru glanced up at Tatsuha, both of them crying. In his hands, Tatsuha held up a snow globe. Inside, was crystal carved copies of the three of them together as they looked in their youth. Around the edge was one, simple phrase.

"Our hearts, our life, our love. June 2nd, Ryuichi-Suguru-Tatsuha."


	9. Home

Title: Home

Author: j-chan

Theme: lyrics #41 9/50

Rating: PG

Warnings: few words here and there, slight Ryuichi bashing

Disclaimer: Gravitation and characters mentioned are not property of me, though I wish they were because then Suguru would be in the remixes, damnit! Lyrics are _Tech Romance_ from Her Space Holiday.

Summary: Tatsuha gets a strange package on Valentine's Day, but who could it be from?

_Home_

The fights just never stopped anymore. Three years together, two years of which was fight free, and now they couldn't stop yelling at each other. When did things change? When did the happiness fade away to nothing but tears and screaming? There was nothing; no sign that this would happen. Just one day… it happened. Like a truck blindsiding a car one day because the diver accidentally fell asleep.

Uesugi Tatsuha could not figure out how things started to go back between them. He and his lover, that was, Sakuma Ryuichi. The papers had praised their love, saying it was a fairytale type ending. A boy, madly in love with someone unattainable, finally gets his wish. It was love everybody said would never die, including those who were close to them.

"Everybody was wrong," Tatsuha muttered to himself as he reached to get the mail. "Everybody was so fucking wrong…"

It was Valentine's Day and, as usual these days, Ryuichi was not home. There had been a note left saying that he needed to be in the studio and wouldn't be home until later, but Tatsuha didn't bother with caring. He would come home, they would argue, and then he would sleep on the couch. The only reason they hadn't broken up yet was the media. Ryuichi did not want to taint his image.

"You picking up the mail, Uesugi-san?"

Tatsuha glanced up at the young mail worker, giving her a smile. "Yes ma'am, I am."

"You've got a package. Delivered with instructions to only give to you when Sakuma-san wasn't around." She disappeared into the mailroom and began to search until she came back with a box. "I'm also not allowed to say who it's from, because you'll figure it out."

Curious, Tatsuha took the box and turned it over a few times. He murmured his thanks before dashing up to the apartment, closing and locking the door after he got in. A package only for him was rare and special. He hadn't ordered anything, but that didn't mean somebody ordered it for him. Indulging in his curiosity, Tatsuha gently opened the box.

There were two notes and a CD. That confused Tatsuha even more, but he decided to read the notes first. One of them said 'Read Me First' on the outside, so that's exactly what Tatsuha did. Turning on the CD player as he did so, he unfolded the paper and began to read.

_Dearest Tatsuha,_

_I know that today is a special day, Valentine's Day, and I know that your lover won't do anything for you. So, this is my gift to you. Listen to the CD, the lyrics in Japanese is on the other letter. This song is my feelings toward you. When you have figured out who I am, come see me. I will be waiting for you._

_All my love, and I'm forever yours._

There was no signature. Tatsuha frowned and turned the letter over, seeing nothing there as well. Shrugging, he put the CD into the player and pressed play. Unfolding the other letter, he let his eyes widen as lyrics started coming out.

_I'm sick of seeing you cry_

_And wasting all your time_

_On someone who will never care enough_

_To make you feel loved_

_To make you feel safe_

_I would drop my life to take his place_

_To show you just how good_

_Being touched could be_

_Commit these words to memory_

_For when you find yourself_

_Pinned under his demands_

_I am still an option that you have_

Air was barely coming through Tatsuha's body. He knew this song… and he knew who it was from. There was only one person who took him aside and started going on about the different tones and beats to this song. He had heard it before, but never with this feeling. He knew who this was from, now, and he cried.

_So carry me around_

_Like a picture in your purse_

_Pull me out when things are at their worst_

_You can show up at my house_

_Completely unannounced_

_We'll have that movie kiss we talked about_

_Where there are no words_

_Just a soft and gentle score_

_Our ears will ring from all the strings_

"Why?" Tatsuha asked the empty apartment. "Why me? There are people so much better than me…" He let the letters drop on the ground, his hands moving up to cover his face. Tears were still coming down, but he didn't dare wipe them away. He needed to cry, just once, when he wasn't angry. He needed to cry because someone was offering him a better life, one he wasn't sure he deserved. "Why?"

_We'll let the screen go black_

_And watch the credits run_

_And see the names of every one_

_Who we ever met_

_And who we ever missed_

_Each one had a role in this_

_It's just another film that won't get made_

_I'm sick of seeing you cry_

The lyrics died out slowly in Tatsuha's head, leaving a burning imprint there. He didn't understand, yet understood all to well at the same time. Somebody thought he deserved better than what he had right now. Somebody wanted to take him away from the fights and the screaming and the crying from pain. Somebody who he knew would be waiting right now, possibly forever, for him to show up. Somebody who he should have realized loved him long ago.

Choking back more tears, Tatsuha stood up and moved to stop the CD player as it started to repeat the only track on it. He didn't deserve to make them wait, but what about Ryuichi? What about the media and the tabloids, what would they say? They still believed in the fairytale romance that didn't go on anymore. What would they say if he just left? He couldn't leave, not now anyway. It wouldn't be fair.

Sighing, he moved to pick up his box; his only Valentine's gift and it was from somebody who loved him. Tatsuha was about to shake his head and forget that thought when writing on the bottom of the box caught his eyes. Frowning, he lifted it closer and read what it said.

_You shouldn't have to care about what the media thinks. If_ he _truly cared, then he would have let you go a long time ago. Come home, Tatsuha. _

Home. This wasn't home, not with the screaming. Home was in loving arms and somebody who wouldn't be afraid to tell him. Home was… home was with him. Home was… "Hold on, and I'll come home." A smile passed across Tatsuha's lips then, as he knew. "There's no place like home… and home is you."

He should have realized it three years ago when his best friend had given him the most hurt look he had seen on anybody's face. He should have realized that he had someone who loved him the entire time. He should have realized… so many things, and he would take no more pain. He would take no more screaming and no more fights. Ryuichi, no, Sakuma-san be damned. "Hold on, Suguru, I'm coming home."

fin.


	10. Uesugi's Property

Title: Uesugi's Property

Author: j-chan

Theme: cringe #7 10/50

Rating: PG (description of images)

Warnings: over used concept, descriptions of sexual images

Disclaimer: Gravitation and characters mentioned are not property of me, though I wish they were because then Suguru would be in the remixes, damnit!

Summary: Suguru doesn't believe he has fans, so Tatsuha decides to show him that he does. What they find isn't what they were searching for, though.

Note: This is a very over used concept, but it amuses the hell out of me for some reason. Mostly because if I were famous, I'd be terrified of something like this happening to me. Also, I was told to write another happy addition instead of a sad one, so here you go.

Double Note: It would be so awesome if somebody could draw the images described that they see. I can't draw at all, but if some of you can and would be willing to do so, that would be awesome! E-mail me at the1jchanatgmaildotcom.

_Uesugi's Property_

It was another rather dull day in the Fujisaki-Uesugi household. Suguru was on vacation after a long tour and Tatsuha was off of school (something he only did because his lover insisted he do something better with his time while he was gone), so neither had much to do other than sit around and be cozy with another. Not that they minded it; the media had been giving them a hard enough time since they were discovered a few months back. It was rare either of them found peace now and they took what they could get.

Peace, though, was always short lived. Tatsuha had found enough evidence that his lover had his own fan following and had been trying to convince him since then that it was true. Suguru flat out refused to believe it, saying that Tatsuha was delusional and must have started it himself if there was one. He still, after a year, didn't believe that people considered him a true part of Bad Luck. The small argument had been said so many times by now that Suguru was sick of it, but Tatsuha kept insisting.

"You have your own following, Suguru. There are a lot of fans out there who just like you."

"Impossible, Tatsuha, how could they? I'm a scrawny little third wheel."

"You don't believe me?"

"No. I told you, I think you're delusional."

Tatsuha frowned and then stood up, dragging Suguru with him. "Come on, I'll prove it to you, then."

"What are you-"

"Just come on!"

Tatsuha dragged Suguru down the hall and to his room, where the computer was so he could type up papers for school. Or at least that's what he was supposed to be doing instead of surfing the internet night and day like Suguru figured he did. Tatsuha sat him down in front of the screen and started the system, waiting until everything was loaded before connecting to the internet.

"Look," he told Suguru, going to a search engine, "just type in your name and hit enter."

Suguru rolled his eyes, but decided to humor Tatsuha. "This is stupid, you realize." He typed in his name and hit enter before waiting for the sites to load. "I'm nothing big in the group."

"Oh yeah? Then why do you have twelve pages of search material?"

"What?" Suguru stared at the screen, rolling his eyes over the first few. "Tatsuha, most of these mention me in passing. Look! This one is a site dedicated to Shindo-san, not me!"

Tatsuha rolled his eyes and moved forward, clicking for the last page. "First rule of searching for yourself on the internet: the last page is always the best." He grinned as a few 'shrines' popped up on the screen, all saying Suguru's name. "See? I told you."

A little shocked, Suguru moved the mouse and clicked on a random link, bringing him into a very detailed site just about… him. "Wait… how do they know about my weight? And my favorite video game?" Suguru looked behind him, frowning at Tatsuha. "This isn't funny."

"Don't look at me! _I_ didn't even know your weight."

Frowning further, Suguru moved back to the site and clicked around some more. "This is insane… I have to tell K-san about this. I think I have some stalkers or something. I mean, who else would know this much and- what is _that_!"

Suguru had opened a picture, one he did not remember posing for, and stared. He was naked and hugging an equally naked Tatsuha, both giving the camera a 'come hither' look. He stared further until he saw a caption at the bottom reading, 'Happy Birthday Mae-chan! Here's a picture of your two lovebirds and I hope you enjoy!' It was dated and signed and Suguru realized that it was just a drawing. A very well done drawing, but a drawing all the same.

"This is…"

"What's that?" Tatsuha pointed to another link, a frown on his face. He hadn't seen this particular site before.

Suguru clicked it, holding his breath for the worst. What he saw, though, was just a white corner. He let a breath out, realizing that it was probably just an image that wouldn't load. Tatsuha, though, scrolled down. It wasn't just a white image … but a very, _very_ graphic drawing of himself and, not Tatsuha, but Ryuichi.

Suguru cringed, closing his eyes. "I can't look!"

"It isn't that bad."

"I'm with _Ryuichi_ in that!" Suguru peeked an eye open. "And what is he doing crawling over me with his hand in my crotch!"

Sure enough, there was an image with Ryuichi on all fours crawling over Suguru, who had his arms above his head. Suguru glanced up at his hands and cringed again, seeing that they were bound with microphone wire to the end of a bedpost. It looked as if Ryuichi was teasing him and, from the look of his face in the image, he was enjoying it a bit too much.

"I like the caption," Tatsuha said as Suguru closed his eyes again."

"I don't want to hear it."

"Come on, Suguru."

"No!"

Tatsuha scoffed. "I'll read it anyway. It says, 'I hate Uesugi Tatsuha, he should not touch Sakuma Ryuichi's man. Sakuma-san and Fujisaki-san have known each other longer and their bodies would fit perfectly together. Long live Sakuma and Fujisaki!' Come on, Suguru, at least they didn't say they hated you."

Suguru whimpered, covering his face. "I don't even know Ryuichi that well."

"You should see the comments."

"Tatsuha!"

"What?" Tatsuha grinned, moving to stand in front of the screen. "Half of them say that the picture is sexy and the other half want to know what drugs the artist was on because Sakuma-san would never mess with an Uesugi's property."

Suguru groaned, shaking his head. "But-"

"Hush, Suguru." Tatsuha leaned in to give Suguru's head a kiss. "They're right. A Sakuma knows not to mess with an Uesugi's property. You're mine."

fin.


	11. Dearly Beloved

Title: Dearly Beloved

Author: j-chan

Theme: deathfic #4 11/50

Rating: PG

Warnings: none, really. It's a deathfic, but not much tear-jerking stuff.

Disclaimer: Gravitation and characters mentioned are not property of me, though I wish they were because then Suguru would be in the remixes, damnit!

Note: Again, these fics are mostly separate and have nothing to do with another unless otherwise stated. Also, I'd like to make it clear (someone asked) that I do not like the Tatsuha/Ryuichi pairing. I don't see it, therefore I don't write it. Therefore, in these fics, you will most likely not see something centered around them, sorry. The only fic I centered around them first was in _Make or Break_. I apologize to any Tatsuha/Ryuichi fans. And yes, I realize that I'm a bit hypocritical when I write this threesome and claim to hate that pairing. I don't know why, but I just don't like it.

Summary: Ryuichi looses something precious to him.

_Dearly Beloved_

It always rained during funerals. The weather and the gods never failed to cry for someone who has passed away and they always managed to cry the hardest. Today, though, I had to smile just a little at their sympathy. I had lost someone close to me, someone I thought would be with me until I died, not the other way around.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to lay witness to an untimely death of one of our treasured friends."

Untimely was right; he wasn't supposed to die this early in our lives. We had plans, things we would do when we were both eighty years old and moving around in one of those motorized wheelchairs. We would each get matching chairs, customized with our names engraved into it. I guess that is never going to happen now.

"He helped us in the hardest times, as well as the good times, and he will be remembered in our hearts as such."

The priest's words fell deafly onto my ears. I'm sure Tohma told him what to say and how to act. Tohma was always good at clearing those details up anyway. I gripped tightly to the hand holding my own, never wanting to let go. Beside me, I felt somebody else slide up and take my other hand, giving me strength to get through this. I could do this, I knew I could. It was just so hard and it was something I didn't want to ever go through.

"In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ, we commend to Almighty God our brother…"

Good, the priest remembered that it was to be an American funeral. We always wanted a funeral like that. I couldn't remember when he promised it to each other, but we promised that whoever would die first, they would get a funeral procession like we saw in America. I'm glad that we managed to get a priest who would be willing to do such.

"…And we commit his body to the ground. Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The Lord bless him and keep him, the Lord make it his face to shine upon him and be gracious unto him and give him peace."

Peace. That's all both of us really wanted. Peace was the thing we yearned for, tried to find within the pass of music and media. The peace we found in each other and those around us. The love we shared, the love we would always share. We had created our own Eden and, just like Eve, he was taken from it.

"Amen."

A chorus of 'amen' was murmured through the rain of the graveyard. People stayed for a few moments before turning and going to their cars. Most likely to go home, change, and be glad to get out of the rain and away from the graveyard; that was fine. I didn't want them to be near him anyway. They didn't deserve it.

"Ryuichi?"

"I'll be there in a moment, Suguru." My hands slipped from his as well as the other that was holding my hand. "Give me some time to say goodbye."

"All right."

"We'll be in the car," the other voice said and soon I heard them walking away.

This gave me time to be alone with him, just the two of us again. Taking a deep breath, I moved forward and put my hands over the coffin. "Hey buddy, it's me. Guess I never thought I'd be the one doing this, but here I am." I glanced toward the sky, letting the rain run across my face. "I'm going to miss you and when we're together again, we'll have to catch up on things." Sighing, he ran my fingers slowly around the top of the black wood cover, smiling just a bit with how shiny it looked. "Don't wait for me. If you find a friend, be with them."

I leaned over and pressed a kiss to the top of the coffin before stepping back. I had to go, I know I had to, but I didn't want to leave. Still, everybody was waiting so I took one more long look at my friend before turning and going back to the car. He would be in a better place and I had to accept that. He would be better off and that was all that mattered right now. Nothing more than his happiness and my ability to move on be happy myself. I had plenty of reasons for it, too.

"Everything all right, Ryuichi?"

I glanced up, seeing my younger lover standing there. "Yes, Suguru, everything's fine. Can we go home?"

He nodded and we got into the car. As soon as I was in, a pair of arms pulled me against a chest. "Are you going to be okay?"

I couldn't help it. I smiled at the two of them, getting comfortable with the three of us laying in the backseat of the car. "I'll be fine, so both of you stop." I tilted my head up, giving them both a kiss before getting comfortable again. "I just want to go home. I promised him I wouldn't get myself down in situations like this."

"We understand, Ryu, but we just wanted to make sure you were going to be okay." Tatsuha kissed my cheek gently. "Kumagaro was an important person in your life. We'll all miss him."

fin.


	12. Gold

Title: Gold

Author: j-chan

Theme: hair tie #39 12/50

Rating: PG

Warnings: shounen ai

Disclaimer: Gravitation and characters mentioned are not property of me, though I wish they were because then Suguru would be in the remixes, damnit!

Summary: Suguru complains about his hair and receives a surprise in return.

Note: This fic ties in with the fic titled _Give In_ and _Our Hearts, Our Life, Our Love _very loosely.

_Gold_

I will never know the real reason on why I let my two lovers convince me to grow my hair out, nor do I really want to know. They used it for their own pleasure, not that I minded, and would hide every sharp object in the house if I ever threatened to cut it off. I enjoyed the small games we played when it came to my hair, actually. It was like both of them worshipped it to the point where it would someday need its own shrine. A little obsessive perhaps? Quite possible, but I loved it.

My hair was now down past my shoulders and had a tendency to get into my eyes whenever I plucked out tuned on my keyboard. That was the only time of day that I grew annoyed with it, but I hated tying it back. It constantly got caught in the small elastic bands K and Hiroshi handed to me, so I stopped accepting them. I did not want to spend two hours untangling and ripping my hair out at the end of the day, thank you very much. That was not high on my To Do list and it never will be, end of story.

I tried other hair ties, but none of them seemed to work. If they didn't tangle, they snapped. If they didn't snap, they tangled; it was a never-ending war. I never seemed to find the perfect match, so I never tried anymore. I let my hair hang in front of my face and become part of who I was: Fujisaki Suguru, the Keyboardist With No Face. Oh yes, I could see that being a hit album right now. I should go solo.

As if going solo would help my hair problems. Nothing seemed to help the hair problem, yet I still didn't care. My lovers loved my hair and that was all that mattered to me, so there. In fact, they loved it so much that they still tried to find me the Perfect Hair Tie. This they do even with me telling them to stop, but then again they'll do what they think will make me happy. They make me happy, so I don't know why it's so important.

"Suguru!" Speaking of my lovers. "Suguru, we found it!"

The front door slammed open and soon enough I heard two pairs of feet running through the house toward the kitchen, where I was. I swear, sometimes they act as though they're both four years old. That is, until they get into the bedroom… then they act their ages.

"Suguru!" Ryuichi was first through the door, quickly followed by Tatsuha. "We found the perfect one for you! It's indestructible!"

"What's indestructible?"

My lovers looked at each other before holding out a box to me. "A hair tie!"

"We asked the lady at the counter if it was any good and she said she was wearing one!"

"So we already know it's good!"

I couldn't help it; I laughed as I took the box. I told you they never stopped looking for one. "Does it tangle?"

"Nope! It's too thick to tangle."

"Okay, then does it snap?"

"No snapping! It's a perfect seam!"

I frowned, turning the box over in my hand. "There has to be something wrong with it."

Ryuichi grinned, slipping an arm around Tatsuha's waist comfortably. "Nope! Just open it, Suguru. You'll see."

I watch both their grins before shaking my head. Those two will always surprise me. Taking a deep breath, I opened the box. What I saw was not a hair tie, nor was it anything I was expecting. I stared for a long moment before glancing up at my two lovers. "When did they make small, gold hair ties that couldn't bend?"

Tatsuha just smiled, leaning over to give me a kiss. "Since they came in three matching sets, Suguru, but only if you accept."

"Yes," I breathed out. "Yes, I do."

-fin-


	13. Stay

Title: Stay

Author: j-chan

Theme: Armageddon #8 13/50

Rating: PG (m/m/m)

Warnings: slash

Disclaimer: Gravitation and characters mentioned are not property of me, though I wish they were because then Suguru would be in the remixes, damnit!

Summary: Ryuichi makes a decision, but Suguru begs him to change it. Ties in a bit with _Please, God_.

_Stay_

The waiting room was cold and that was the thing that kept returning to my mind. Cold, and white. Why did places like these always have to be white? The uniforms, the walls, the chairs, the pens, the clipboards; everything was always that virginal color. I hated white, even when I was a child I hated the color. It was not bright enough or vibrant enough to suit my tastes.

I glance next to me at the boy sitting there, wondering if he thought the same thing. Wondering if, for once, we shared the same thoughts coursing through our minds. Then again, if it were not for who we were waiting for, we might have never shared the same thoughts. It was slightly disturbing when I thought of it that way, so I stopped thinking. I needed to stop thinking, or else I might just start thinking on why we were here. That was not a good thing to think on, so I decided to think about the upcoming concert. That seemed like a safe place at the moment.

Except, the upcoming concert would mark the second year anniversary of when the three of us started our rocky relationship. Two years ago, my youngest lover met me in the store and, in one of my more stupid moments, I let him indulge in his childhood fantasy of being with me. If it had known at the time he was involved…

That was in the past now, and I had to remember that. I had to remember that things had, in one way or another, worked themselves out. My other lover slowly accepted me into his life, though it took more than a few months. We all had to ease into our own comfort levels, which meant that I had to let my two younger lovers be alone at least one night a week until we were all comfortable. I really did not mind.

Except, I would still get a strange feeling that I still was not accepted in the relationship. Not that I expected to be accepted, but I hated the feeling. Especially right now, when my lover was laying down in a hospital bed fighting for his life. The doctors had lost his pulse three times in the past week and he seemed to just be hanging on now. It was stressful and my mind would not wrap around the fact that I would not make it with my other lover. We were connected by the youngest, and that was it.

Maybe this was a sign. Perhaps I am not supposed to be here as a lover, but instead as a friend. There are times when a person needs to know his place and this is my time I suppose. I am too old, too far into my years that my two lovers will only catch up to me after I die. It was not fair to do this to them.

Without a word, I stood up, my choice made. I would leave this place and let Suguru be alone with his lover. I would let both of them live their life and not worry about an old man slowing them down. They did not deserve that and I refuse to put them through the pain of seeing me get old and dying. I would leave them be and that was it.

At least, that was my plan. I barely got two feet when I felt the back of my shirt pull tight. Turning, I saw a hand attached to my shirt. Following the hand, I found a distressed face staring at me. My decision started to waver on what I wanted to do, but I knew I still had to do it.

"Where are you going?"

The voice was so broken, so lost that I really did not know what to do anymore. "You don't deserve me moving into your relationship. It isn't fair to you."

"Please don't do this…"

I hesitated, caught between sticking to my decision and sitting back down. Both were tempting, but neither would get me anywhere. "I don't think-"

"Don't leave me! Please… I need you."

My heart broke at that sentence and, before I realized what I was doing, I was sitting down and gathering the young by into my arms. Once his face his my chest, tears started to fall. Not just his tears, but my tears as well. I could not help but cry and try to hold on to some sense of stability. Everything was twisted; messed up in a way that nobody could understand.

"I'm so sorry… I thought-"

"Sakuma Ryuichi! How could you!" His fists hit my chest. "You can't leave me now… you can't leave _us_ now! We're a family and we love each other!" His fists continued to hit me, but I barely felt them. I doubt he was trying hard. "You can't leave us…"

I kept silent, letting him cry on my chest. Eventually, the doctor came out to tell me that they managed to stabilize 'Uesugi-san' and he would soon be moved to another room. We barely heard him, too caught up in staying close to one another without letting go. I still was unsure about the situation now, but I knew that I could not leave. I was needed and I would stay until things were calm.

Then, I decided, then I would leave.

fin.


End file.
